Six Sentence Sunday October 16


Yea! It’s Sunday and time for Six Sentence Sunday

Every week participants post six sentences from something they are writing – or have written. It’s a lot of fun and really a great way to meet new writers! And I’ve met some terrific people. Thank you !

Be sure to check out the other great participants and thanks so much for stopping by!

 

After the heated dance number last week with The Devil’s Mistress, I felt like a change of pace. And the kids have been nagging.  So I return to my untitled WIP.

The stories start in the 50s. Six teens, seemingly very different, meet weekly and keep in touch with each other their entire lives. They must have something in common.

This is the opening chapter.

The diner’s door flew open bringing a cold wind and a breathless Joey, glad for the shelter.

Mopping his hair away from his eyes, he looked around at his friends seated in the large red vinyl booth by the window, “Oh am I the last one here?”

Carole squeezed further into the seat and away from Joey as he stood at the end of the table shaking the water from his jacket in every direction.

Charles smiled and said, “Joey you’re always late,” while the five young people moved to make room for the late-comer now that his jacket was safely hung up.

For the young people in Nate’s Deli this Saturday morning school would not be starting as usual on the following Monday.

Rain pounding and splattering in the street and against the glass panes supplied back ground music for their vibrant voices.

 

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29 Responses to Six Sentence Sunday October 16

  1. Lindsay says:

    Great visial with the rain water inside and outside

  2. sounds like a great start to the piece!

  3. jennajaxon says:

    Oh, I love the set up–what the heck is happening on Monday? Love this piece, Sue. Have you written more on it?

  4. Gem Sivad says:

    A long weekend to play with friends. Great set up.

  5. Eleri Stone says:

    Nice way to set the scene. I’m curious!

  6. What a great way to start!

  7. Zee Monodee says:

    So glad you returned to this one! I loved the snippets about each kid and it’s great to see them together 🙂

  8. Great introduction! I’m anxious to read more. I agree with Zee, it’s nice to see them all interacting together now. 🙂

  9. Why isn’t school starting as usual? Great intro to your characters. Seems like they’re about to have an eventful weekend.

  10. Lynne Murray says:

    Great hook into the story. We want to know what will happen before Monday! Suspense…

  11. I really liked your first line, though I think you could have used a stronger word than ‘bringing’… it’s a little vague so it takes away a little of the power from such a wonderful image.

    …also, I don’t think ‘mopping’ is the correct word, since when you mop something up, you’re removing moisture, but his hair is what’s wet, right? so he’s not using his hair to remove moisture from his eyes.

    I’m very curious why Carole moves away… since the way it’s worded, it doesn’t sound like she’s just making room for him, it seems like she’s trying to avoid him. I’m anticipating some kind of backstory with these two 😀

    Oh, and great idea to link back to the other characters like that!

  12. J.A. Beard says:

    Already building character personalities with this. Interesting.

  13. Pingback: Six Sentence Sunday October 30 « sassyspeaks

  14. “..Rain pounding and splattering in the street and against the glass panes supplied back ground music…” still love that line!

  15. Pingback: Six Sentence Sunday November 6 « sassyspeaks

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