Six Sentence Sunday July 1


Yea! It’s Sunday and time for Six Sentence Sunday

Every week participants post six sentences from something they are writing – or have written. It’s a lot of fun and really a great way to meet new writers!

And I’ve met some terrific people. Thank you !

Be sure to check out the other great participants and thanks so much for stopping by.

 

Set up: Phoebe and Gideon are in a hotel room getting acquainted. This style is something new for me so all comments welcome.

Phoebe raised her eyes, now as blue as the ocean’s depths, with little flecks of sunlight at the corners, they so mirrored her emotions and so intrigued him.

With his hand on her waist, he pulled her closer, while his other hand tilted her chin and licked the lingering drops of Bordeaux from her lips. The wine tasted sweeter than from the glass, and her skin, so soft.

He gently kissed her lest she resist, however his apprehension was unfounded, she returned the kiss with ardor, her mouth slightly open inviting his tongue to pursue her lead.

His tongue accepted her request, and without breaking the embrace his arms firmly encircled her, scooped her up and carried her the few steps to the bed.

Holding phoebe her in one arm he used the other to remove the brocaded spread then slowly lowered her down, leaving them on the cool, peach sheet.

  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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31 Responses to Six Sentence Sunday July 1

  1. Jenna Jaxon says:

    I like where this is going. Can you show him being forceful as well as tender? When he gets rid of the covering, we could get a sense of his impatience. ” He jerked the brocaded spread from the bed and threw it into the air.” Or something like that. Show all facets of him. 🙂 Interesting picture. I like! Nice six!

    • Sue says:

      the 7th line is: Wanting to rip their clothing from their bodies he restrained his trembling fingers, but his need to speak to her skin with his fueled his impatience.

  2. Wildcat's Wife says:

    It’s definitely a soft and tender moment between the two characters. I like how he licked the lingering drops of Bordeaux from her lips! Keep going!!

  3. I really should start doing this lol 🙂

    Xx

  4. Jessica Subject says:

    A nice sensual six! Happy Canada Day! 🙂

  5. Heather Boyd says:

    You had me at licking Bordeaux from her lips. Nice six

  6. Cara Bristol says:

    “The wine tasted sweeter than from the glass,” I like that. All the detail was good, but I especially liked that line.

  7. Mae Clair says:

    I like your use of color in this . . . blue as the ocean’s depths, little flecks of sunlight, peach sheet. Lovely scene setting to underscore the sensuality of the moment and the building heat between them.

  8. J.M. Blackman says:

    Your sensory detail is just beautiful. Flecks of sunlight, hand on her waist, lingering drops, etc. It’s enjoyable to read this more than once.

  9. I like how all his attention is focused on her. Very nice!

  10. Kate Warren says:

    The details are lovely. I really get a sense that the two of them are so focused on each other that the rest of the world has disappeared.

    I would change the wording here: “He gently kissed her lest she resist” to “He kissed her gently lest she resist.” And I’m wondering if it’s possible for him to remove the bedspread while holding her. Could work, I just can’t see it in my mind. But then I’m caffeine deficient right now.

    Overall I think it’s fantastic. You’ve evoked sight, taste, and texture all in six sentences. Excellent!

  11. Silver James says:

    Lovely six. My only comment would be to consider breaking up some of the longer sentences so that each action receives the attention it deserves.

  12. Jess Schira says:

    I really like the slow romantic way this scene starts out, and how the heat increases as the scene progresses. Excellent job!

  13. Elin Gregory says:

    Lovely sensory details. My only quibble is a purely physical one – he has scooped her up and I assume he’s taking her whole weight, so I’m boggling a bit at how he manages to free a hand and stoop to strip the coverlet from the bed without setting her down. Is the bed very tall? Is she clinging to him to support her own weight? [This might be a bit nitpicky because I write a lot of fight scenes and am used to visualising the physicality of a scene. Ignore me if I’ve read it wrongly]

  14. Love the details you’ve incorporated. They really ground me in the scene! Great image with the wine! 🙂

  15. Pingback: Six Sentence Sunday July 8 | sassyspeaks

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