WeWriWa – Memnoche

Set up: Gideon meets with the demon to get answers. From my WIP The Soul Collector’s Second Chance.

A red triangular hand tugged at Gideon’s elbow, startling him out of his thoughts.

It has been a long time, my friend, so what can I do for you? My buddy said you wanted to see me.”

Gideon turned, and lowering his glance viewed a short demon, though unsure if it was his old messenger imp since they all looked alike.

Before the soul collector could phrase a question Memnoche, for it was his old colleague, said, “Walk with me, we can talk and I will answer your questions but bear with me, after all I have work to do also and do not have time to just stand around.”

Saying that they stopped while Memnoch inspected the crowded area, then he mumbled some words until only one human remained on the street.

“Ahhaah, I have watched you many times in your role as soul collector and now I have allowed you to observe mine. As part of my reconnaissance work I ensure the location is clear for the soul collectors’ safety which is our primary function in these modern times, ensuring pedestrian and vehicular traffic is at a minimum, Ahhaah.”


(he knew it was Memnoche because

“How rude of me. Let me introduce myself Ahhaah. I am Memnoch, at your service,” and he made a little bow. The image struck Gideon as absurd. A courteous demon. He had to restrain himself from not laughing.)

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29 Responses to WeWriWa – Memnoche

  1. Lindsay says:

    Nice opening. Asks lots of interesting questions.

  2. Gemma Parkes says:

    A courteous and short demon? That sounds like fun! Enjoyed your snippet.

  3. Loved this. Soul collector and letting him peek. Can’t wait to see what happens next. 🙂 Great Job!

  4. I like the idea of a courteous demon …so much rich detail in this story! Excellent excerpt!

  5. daezarkian says:

    The demon’s dialogue has great cadence and rhythm. I love it!

  6. Kate Warren says:

    I’d reverse the sentences in Memnoche’s first bit of dialogue. Why does he say “Ahhaah?” Does it mean anything or is it just a sound he makes? Good idea to clear the area before a collection. Nice detail. I also love how they all look alike.

    • Sue says:

      Yes thanks for suggestion about reversing sentences. This is still so draft

      Ahhaah is just a speech mannerism I decided to give him to make him distinct. A friend of mine says that all the time and decided to use it

      Glad you liked how they all look alike since I’m working on that

      thanks fo much Kate for your thoughtful comments

  7. siobhanmuir says:

    Love the protection detail, Sue. 🙂

  8. Wonderful snippet, as always 🙂

  9. Definitely intriguing and different. Well done!

  10. Jenna Jaxon says:

    I love that the messenger imps have been reassigned as reconnaissance and crowd control. I guess even Mr. D has to change with the times. 🙂 Also liked the description of the imp–the red, triangular hand is so distinctive! Nice touch!

  11. So glad you decided to continue with this! Enjoyed the snippet and look forward to more.

  12. jabeardrf says:

    I think a courteous demon concerns me more than a rude one…

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