Hump Day Hook – Treats


Happy Hump Day.  I’m continuing with my new fantasy, coming of age WIP. To read the participating authors click on the link.

So far we’ve met Charlotte, the new girl to the 3rd year history class and we’ve seen Robert, one of her new classmates. Four friends have gathered in the park across the street from the school as they all had a free period. Two of the kids went to the ice-cream stand and one to the corner store for a cherry coke. Stone had just opened his juice.

We’re still  in introduction mode; it will get more interesting soon 😀


His muscles relaxed. As he gulped a large mouthful of the still cool, orange beverage, the fizziness  tickled his nose. He appreciated the quiet. Except for the presence of him and his friends, the park, mid-morning on a week-day, was deserted. Most people were at work or in school. Even the traffic sounds were muted. The group’s arrival had disturbed the birds and squirrels, who now had fled to wherever such creatures go to hide, leaving the space to the boisterous human children.

Quinn returned to the table with her cold treat. Stone stuck out his tongue and she allowed him a taste. “Good,” he said, and extended his neck toward the ice-cream attempting another lick before she pulled the cone out of his reach. “Meanie,” he scolded.

“If you want one for yourself you’re perfectly capable of walking over and getting your own.”

Quinn moved away from Stone to eat her ice-cream in peace.



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17 Responses to Hump Day Hook – Treats

  1. Great hook, well done!

  2. Jessica Subject says:

    I like your description in this hook. Poor Stone with the rejection from Quinn.

  3. Great description of the park … hmmm I may have to get some ice cream now!

  4. lol isn’t that just like a male? Trying to steal the girl’s dessert 🙂

  5. Sue says:

    yeah those nasty boys lol

  6. This builds slowly and very interestingly. Looking forward to more.x

  7. Sherry Gloag says:

    Sounds like Quinn could be a tease. Very vivid scene.

  8. Great descriptions. Really sets up the scene and mood. Can’t wait to learn more about Quinn and Stone.

  9. VR Barkowski says:

    Nice details and building of character interrelationships, Sue! A couple possible tweaks: For clarity and consistency, the line “him and his friends” should read either “he and his friends” or “Stone and his friends.” And consider a word other than muted. Muted suggests the traffic noise was muffled rather than traffic was light—which I believe is what you meant? If the traffic noise *was* muffled, then you need to tell us why.

    Strong descriptions and a vivid scene!

    VR Barkowski

  10. R Lee Smith says:

    Such good description, as always!

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