Rant for Blogophilia Week 13.6

Juli a few years ago. Typical teen

Meet Julianna. She’s sixteen going on thirty, gorgeous, intelligent and to be with her is a a joy.

Normally her theme would be An Ode to Joy. But lately she’s more likely to sing the lyrics from Pink’s Trouble.

I’m trouble

Yeah trouble now

I’m trouble y’all

I got trouble in my town

She’s a person with eclectic interests from vampire novels, poetry writing, drama and one of her favourite films is an old 60s film with John Wayne, El Dorado.

But this post is called a rant. And you want to know why? What is there to rant about?

Why is this lovely young woman singing about trouble?

That’s where the rant comes in.

Apparently a boy at school threatened her with a knife.

No she does not go to a public school in a bad area. Her school is a separate school (Catholic School Board funded publically) in one of the better areas of town.

Juli had become depressed lately, couldn’t sleep, suffered from headaches and, more worriedly, didn’t want to go to school. She loved school and is an A student. Her dad couldn’t understand what was going on.

Until she told him about the boy and the knife.

Oh yes, her parents visited the principal. Deeply concerned. Now I haven’t spoken to her father so did not get his point of view. He and my husband have talked. I gather the school and the principal are afraid of the boy. Yep, the principal is afraid of one of the students. A student in the third year of high school. Apparently the boy is big and burly, does one handed push ups, has many tats and wears his hat in class.

In the old days the separate schools here were known for a high degree of discipline. Not any more.

So what did the school do? They took away the boy’s knife. That’s it.

I learned that he sits next to her in a class. I asked if at least his seat was changed. My husband does not know. I asked if the police were called. Did they request a restraining order? A shrug from the husband. He did not know. It appears the police were not notified of the incident.

All he knows is that Juli’s doctor prescribed anti-depressants, with sometime in the future, the possibility of seeing a psychologist.

Now here it comes – the huge rant…

The school, the system and her parents are teaching this 16 year old lovely young lady that if people fear someone no action will be taken and you will be the victim with no means of closure.

Here take your pills smile, be quiet and don’t complain.

I hate to think what the medication will do to her. She is not depressed. She is frightened and I’m angry.

I’m furious.

I know Juli. I know what inappropriate meds can do to a person. I know what happens when a traumatic life experience doesn’t include closure.

I’ve spoken to people I know about this incident.. And yes the schools have a no tolerance policy for bullying. Yeah I guess as long as they’re not afraid of the bully who not only threatens my young friend but whose threats are strong enough to protect himself from the principal, her parents and the school board.

So her parents are teaching her and the school is teaching her that if someone is a bully and big and scary then they can get away with anything they please. Even though the incident was not Juli’s fault she is still the victim. And with medication she will feel even more victimized.

So the school is being compliant and allowing the boy to do what he pleases.

What do you think? Will Juli be able to put this incident behind her?

Juli last year

You could say Juli is a pretty pink flower whose soft dainty petals are being plucked one by one.

wirtten for

Blogophilia Week 13.6 Topic: Ode to Joy

Bonus Points:

(Hard, 2 pts): Include El Dorado in your blog

(Easy, 1 pt): Incorporate your favorite song lyric

WeWriWa – New student

 

Happy Sunday! It’s a long week end here and we’ll probably be planting the garden. I’ll try to read as soon as I can.

I decided to try out my WIP, unnamed for now, called The Children on my computer. It’s my first attempt at a fantasy.

Hastily written blurb:

Gladstone Thomas and  his group of three, friends since birth, know exactly what awaits them when they  hit the age of eighteen. Stone’s cousin Robert Ward  owing to his helicopter mother, Sara,  is not aware of his future. Meeting Charlotte, the new girl at school, is a life changer .  Gladstone and his buddies  are witness to Robert’s  transformation  from as an  indifferent student, careless dresser and  narcissistic personality to his finally  agreeing to Charlotte’s plan.  Once Stone learns the key position Robert will play, they must work together to ensure  success.

 ***

The opening eight sentences which is not quite the full paragraph

Ms Simmons rapped her knuckles on the desk at the front of the history class. A few murmurs and the sound of chairs scraping against the wood floor quieted down when she spoke.  “May I have your attention please? I’d like to introduce a new student to our group.” The teacher stepped back allowing a young woman standing behind to move forward. Cobalt blue eyes dominated her face framed perfectly by pale almost translucent skin and white-blonde hair. “This is Charlotte and she is a recent transfer. Please make her feel welcome.”

 

 

Hump Day Hook – A New Student

 

Today is my first foray on Hump Day Hook. I decided to trot out, for its first public viewing one of my WIP, unnamed for now, called The Children on my computer. The story is a struggle for me and I need as much feedback as I can get.

The opening paragraph.

Ms Simmons rapped her knuckles on the desk at the front of the history class. She wore her “stern” face in an attempt  to gain the  students’ attention. A few murmurs and the sound of chairs scraping against the wood floor quieted down when she spoke.  “May I have your attention please? I’d like to introduce a new student to our group.” The teacher stepped back allowing a young woman standing behind to move forward. Cobalt blue eyes dominated her face framed perfectly by pale almost translucent skin and white-blonde hair. “This is Charlotte and she is a recent transfer. Please make her feel welcome.” Craning her neck, she said, “I see a seat next to Robert. Robert, raise your hand please.” Charlotte walked to the spot indicated and gracefully sat.

 

WeWriWa – Poetry inspired by Egypt

 

Well I’m told I can submit poetry on here. So while my new story is still percolating that’s what I will do.

 

Set up – In January we visited Egypt  The Cinquain I wrote recently for a challenge a friend threw at me. The haiku was written as the river flowed before my eyes.

a photo given to us after the cruise. Was a great carriage ride but spouse had camera taking pics of old stuff while I wanted to catch the locals

 

Carriage

horses hooves clop

dark shades native attire

languages mingling dry air unscented

tourist

Cinquain

Cinquain is a short, usually unrhymed poem consisting of twenty-two syllables distributed as 2, 4, 6, 8, 2, in five lines. It was developed by the Imagist poet, Adelaide Crapsey. Another form, sometimes used by school teachers to teach grammar, is as follows:

 

Line 1: Noun

Line 2: Description of Noun

Line 3: Action

Line 4: Feeling or Effect

Line 5: Synonym of the initial noun.

I tried to follow this form but not too successful.

Cruise on the Nile

Haiku (5,7, 5 syllables)

The Nile river flows

Birds swoop, sun shines on water

Good morning to you

 

 

Screen writing Class II

Google Image

Link to ScreenWriting I (written for Blogophilia)

Most of the lessons apply to screen writing and novel writing as well.

Week 2 – Story

synopsis and log line

lag line is a very short, one sentence, description of your screenplay. A synopsis is similar but longer, more detailed and more colourful.

Example

THE BOURNE IDENTITY

A man with amnesia discovers he is a governmental assassin who has been targeted for death by the organization that employs him.

handout 4 conclusion models

classic story models e.g. Cinderella , Romeo and Juliet

modern movie models e.g. quest, tribe, growth

Story

A sympathetic or fascinating lead character finds him or herself in trouble of some kind and makes active efforts to get out of it. Each effort, however, merely puts them deeper into trouble and every new obstacle in their path is larger than the last. Finally when things look blackest and it seems certain the lead character is finished he or she manages to get out of this trouble through their own efforts intelligence or ingenuity

You have to know the emotion you wish to elicit in your audience.

You have to know the ending of the story and work backwards connecting all the details in the resolution

We discussed the difference between Believable –buy into the story and authenticity – accurate to real life A story may not be authentic but it does have to be believable within the context of the world created.

Homework was to write a logline and a synopsis adhering to the templates we were given.

My current ones have undergone several edits since the class and probably will undergo several more

The template is pretty specific as to what is to be included

In the romantic fantasy, A Quiet Existence, Andrew Goode cursed with lycanthropy and thrust into modern day Halifax, together with his rival Guillaume Pelletier, meets Tabitha Richards, but in order for their dream of a life together to become reality, the couple must use their wits and powers to cast Pelletier back to his own time while allowing Andrew to remain in the present.

　

Andrew Goode and Tabitha Richards have secrets. The pretty realtor and the handsome land owner are not what they seem. When Andrew and Tabitha meet. their fate is altered. They crave a quiet existence together. In order to make the dream a reality they must combine their wits and powers to banish Guillaume Pelletier, Andrew’s rival from the past. Though both men have been cursed with lycanthropy and thrust into present day Halifax, Andrew has suppressed his animal urges while Guillaume revels in his. After all if one is blessed with lycanthropy it’s only natural to succumb to the powers and abilities and live the life one has been handed. Randy Armstrong is an insecure young man and Pelletier’s protege. The couple’s plan to defeat Pelletier includes involves magic potions, contemporary technology and skullduggery, but cannot succeed without Randy’s cooperation. Pelletier has tricks of his own to divide the couple and maintain his power, control and influence over his underling. Tabitha wants more and is willing to take the risk. Randy learns he doesn’t have to depend on others for self confidence. If the lycanthropic curse is removed it is unknown whether both men will return to the past or if Andrew will remain in the present to claim his true destiny.

The class is ended now but I will update for all the classes as the information is useful to anyone who writes.

 

Sales pitch for Blogophilia 11.6

More from Egypt

Written for B is for Blogophilia

A smaller example of the sales pitch

At the alabaster plant – the embodiment of the phrase: Never, never, never give up

Obviously restraining elements were used on these beasts taking a walk in the road

Telemarketers – desert style

Advertisement

Unfortunately we didn’t get any shots of the vendors, unlike telemarketers on whom you can simply hang up the phone, chasing and cajoling us to buy their merchandise, while thrusting their goods into our hands.

written for:

Blogophilia Week 11.6 Topic: Restraining Elements

Bonus Points:

(Hard, 2 pts): Quote Winston Churchill

(Easy, 1 pt): Incorporate telemarketers

Last Words – Writing technique

Last night in screen writing class one of the bazillion handouts the instructor placed at each student’s desk read “Last Words”. He knows I’m taking the class to inspire my tired brain and not because I intend to write movie scripts.

As he started to discuss the topic, he turned to me. “You’ve heard of this in your writing classes, right?”

I glanced at the paper and said, “No. No one’s mentioned this particular writing trick.”

He seemed surprised. Usually when general writing topics are raised I know something about them.

This is what the handout was about.

These simple rules are about sentence structure and how to leave a reader/viewer with the clearest, sharpest image or idea after every sentence or line of dialogue.

1. Write the most important word at the end of every sentence.

2. Write the most important sentence at the end of every paragraph.

Change this

I could hear the whistle of the axe already.

Into this

I could already hear the whistle of the axe.

The power in a sentence comes at the end. The last word. You can feel it when a sentence is structured correctly and for maximum effect. Bam! It’s like a good joke. Until you hear the last word of the joke the joke isn’t funny!

The page was two-sided so it said a bunch of other stuff which I’m too lazy to copy.

Bottom line: The last word holds a lot of power. Don’t throw it away on just any old word. When you do it right, the last word really does say it all.

So. To all my writing buddies, friends and crit partners, do you know about this gimmick?? And if you do HOW COME NONE OF YOU EVER TOLD ME?? It’s a good technique.

I’d be interested to hear your thoughts.