This is the second challenge. When I reviewed what is involved I thought, “Oh my, this is too difficult.” However as I wrote I realised that I could do it. If you had told me two years ago that I would be participating in such events I would have said, “No way.” What a difference two years makes. 😀
We were given a range of different activities and we could decide which to do.
I am using
Two people are sitting together under the remains of a concrete bridge. Their backs are against a rusted bridge support. One person’s leg is cut. The other person has wet hair.
And prompt 2
1.Write a pitch/logline for a book based on the prompts (less than 100 words)
2. Write a short story/flash fiction piece of less than 200 words based on the prompts
For added difficulty/challenge
- Write in a genre that is not your own (I ended up writing YA)
- Ask Challenge entrants to critique your writing (since I’ve never written a story line for YA please advise if I came anywhere close)
The little boy ran down the boardwalk, not realizing the end of the pier had collapsed. He fell into the water, his ball bobbing one way, while, he, in his over sized red coat, was buried by the ocean’s waves.
Two teens explored the rusted out, crumbling structure, carefully placing their feet on what solid footing they could find, managing to avoid being dragged into the current.
The taller of the two looked up. “What’s that red thing sinking? Geeze it’s a kid!” Both teens were good swimmers, and together jumped into the freezing water. They hooked onto the young boy, gripping the heavy cloth of his coat and hauled him to dry land. One of the young men leaned over coughing up the sludge and slime, grimacing at the sour taste, of the filthy liquid while his buddy did CPR on the child When his lungs were somewhat clear he called 911. The child lay on the ground resting while the two friends leaned against one of the bridge supports catching their breath, and waited for the ambulance. “You’ve got a cut on your leg and how did you keep your hair dry? Mine is soaked.”
I had a problem with the Pitch – so I am showing my original which may be too long though within the 100 word criterion, and a shorter version.
A young child, the son of the most influential man in their town, is rescued from drowning by two teens.
The friends are high school drop outs. They’ve both been in trouble with the law and have internalized what teachers, parents and the police say – that they will never amount to anything.
When the news hits the media, including a video filmed by an eye witness, the teens are thrust into the limelight and hailed as heroes.
Attitudes change among the townspeople and the boys’ lives take off into a direction they never imagined.
Two teen aged boys rescue the son of the must influencial man in town from drowning.
They’ve been told they’ll never amount to anything but now they’re hailed as heroes and their lives take off into a direction they never imagined.
I like the direction this took! (#30)
Thank you – I was pleased with the end result too – I wasn’t sure where it was going to end up
Holy traumatic! Really great putting me in the moment–intense! 😉
😀 thank you very much
i love the positive way this could go! but fame and fortune arent always great either…great story idea!
No they’re not and have no idea what gave you the idea. I have something else in mind
I liked the pitches. I thought they were both good. the longer one had more info but the shorter one had what was needed to impact the reader.
I greatly appreciate the feedback. I’ve written blurbs but not a pitch.
Very nice! I thought you did a great job on the pitches. Succinct and informative 🙂
thanks – greatly appreciate feedback
Very nice, I thought. I wonder if the two teens will like the life they’ve been propelled into? I’m glad the kid survived though!
I’m sure they will love it!
I like the real life take on the prompts…well done!
yes, was different
Great pitch! Very interesting. 🙂
Sounds like a great feel good story! Nice take on this:)
thanks for the visit
I love it when people are rewarded for doing good even though they weren’t expecting it! Well done.
hmm that gives me plenty of ideas…
Interesting pitch, I would want to know more! 🙂
yeah apparently so would I lol
OK, first off.. loved your introduction. I am right there with you in the ‘if you told me 2 years ago’ thing. I’m so very timid when it comes to showing my works. I’m very self-critical of my writing, so just being able to enter these sorts of contests is quite a step for me, so I understand what you’re saying, and I heartily congratulate you on being at this stage where you can take that leap!
As for your piece, I really enjoyed it. Felt very real, almost like I was actually watching it happen live. I envy writers who can bring the moment alive. Very nicely done.
Oh thank you so much for the visit!
That was intense! Which was great! Nice job! And thanks for stopping by…
I like the shorter version. Good job.
I think and you can take it or leave it but if you tightened up the story there would be better tension. The conflict would be achieved better.
Yes you are correct
I would have liked a closer POV, but I love the log line of the story and the use of the prompts.
Nice entry. ; )
Melissa Maygrove #14
Yes I agree… oh well – thank you very much for your thoughtful comment
So different than the other entries I have read. A really positive take, well done!
Thank you for your kind words
The shorter pitch was especially awesome, packed a nice punch and had all the important info in it 🙂
Amazing what I can do when put my mind to it 😀
Love the way you narrowed down your pitch. Great omniscient voice to the story!
thank you for stopping by 😀
“How did you keep your hair dry?” – oooh! Intriguing.
I love it when stories open with a great hook. Nice one! 🙂
Thank you 😀
I, too, liked the short pitch and the direction the story took.